Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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