Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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