He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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