She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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