with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
