I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm sobbing to NWA
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
