we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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