i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
So much rum. So many feels.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
