Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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