Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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