I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
