I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
