So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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