Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
