i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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