Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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