he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
