i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
