Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
