I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
