the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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