are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
