even my farts smell like vagina
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
