I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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