Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
