Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Enjoy the penises
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
