I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
