do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
