I got chris browned last night
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
