Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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