hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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