your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
