I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
