Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
