I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
