we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
