my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
