There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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