My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
