Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
