I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
