Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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