I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
