i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
