the condom got lost in my hair
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm too high and old for this...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
