While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
