Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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