it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
