the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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