Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
