I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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