so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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