I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
